Everyone is different. Everyone needs different things. This is what works for me.
Life is hard. I am not one to sugarcoat it and I will be the first to admit that over the years I have struggled. A LOT.
I am a mom to three young children, a full time special education teacher, a graduate student and a wife. I am also a cook, a cleaning lady, a chauffeur, a personal shopper, a hairstylist, a nurse, a playmate, and everything else that comes with the “mom” territory. I was exhausted ALL.THE.TIME. and I had no time for me. I found that I lost myself and was just going through the motions of everyday life.
LIFE IS TOO SHORT to not enjoy. I was fed up with the way I was feeling and knew something had to change. I started adding things into my daily routine that were for me, and made me feel more like me. It did not happen overnight. Some of these things took months to establish, but it is what I needed to get myself back to a place where I truly feel like I am enjoying life. In turn, it has made me a better wife, a better teacher, and a better mom. And for that, I am grateful.
Wake up early.
I know, I know. We hear this everywhere. Wake up early- it helps to start your day. When I say I wake up early, I am not getting up at the crack of dawn to chug water, journal, or do professional development. While all of these things are great and I applaud those that do, it is not for me in the morning. I also am not talking about waking up hours before the rest of your house; that is unnecessary.
I wake up about a half hour earlier than my kids on weekdays, before I have to start getting ready for work. And do you know what I do? I drink my coffee in silence and play games or scroll my phone. It is a mindless task that helps me to relax and get set for the day.
I know it is not anything inspirational, but it is what works for me and it helps me to pick up my phone less throughout the day. Don’t get me wrong, if I am into a good book I will often read during this time. But more often than not, it is a quiet time to scroll and enjoy me before the chaos of the day ensues.
Find time to move daily.
This is something that is non negotiable for me. Even if all I get is a quick walk around the block with all 3 kids in tow, I feel a thousand times better when I move. I started doing Barre 3 before I had my first child and I LOVED it! However, the cost and the distance kept my from going back consistently after I had him.
I found a platform online and created a home gym that allowed me to work out from home on my time and I really started to enjoy it. I started lifting weights and I felt stronger than I ever had before. I continued to work out through my next two pregnancies and it has helped me tremendously. Through periods of depression and anxiety, I have always found that exercise is one of my coping tools.
My workouts look differently nowadays and, depending on the season, are often shorter than normal. They even often include one or two kids playing alongside or joining me. But, it is something that gets done everyday. Moving my body is something that helps me to have more patience, a greater self-esteem, more energy and an overall well-being.
Drink More Water.
Ladies- this is nothing new. Everyone everywhere is telling you to drink more water. That’s because it is good for you. Even more, your body needs it to function properly and as mom’s we need to be doing as best as we can all the time.
I have not jumped on the Stanley bandwagon, but I do love my 40oz Simple Modern cup that I usually only use at home (because that thing is large and awkward to lug around everywhere). That being said, I always fill it up with water and a Liquid IV in the morning for added hydration. I am usually able to finish that by lunch time, and then I will refill with lemon water (I add True Lemon packets). I like regular water, but adding the lemon flavor definitely helps me to drink more.
Yes, I pee more. Like a lot. And I try not to drink as much if I am going out somewhere because having to find a bathroom in public is a pain. But I am trying and I notice that I feel better when I am drinking water than that extra cup of coffee or soda at lunch. I will usually have a seltzer water when I get home from work, but that is still water right? I am human and I don’t always drink enough water as I should, but I am trying to make it a part of my everyday routine.
Get outside
I love the outdoors, and my kids do too. We are often found outside in the summertime, when the weather is nice and I am off of work for the summer (teacher perks right?). I live in a part of the U.S. that has 4 seasons, and the winters can get cold- and I am generally not a fan- so getting outside during these months is tough. However, I have noticed that when I go outside with my kids, it is usually the best quality time that we have all day.
Why outside? When we are outside, we are away from the stresses and chores of everyday like that occur in the home. There is no dinner to make outside. No laundry to fold. No dishes to wash. Wifi does not reach outside so there are no screens. Messes get made. Toys get played with. We enjoy each other more. When we are outside, everything else takes a back burner and I am able to truly enjoy myself with my children.
We play sports, go for walks, and we will do some outside chores like picking weeds when needed, but it is really a time to just spend time together and I cherish this. What is more is that nature is a major mood booster for me, so its a double-whammy of endorphins when we immerse ourselves in nature.
No screens before bed.
Again, another one that you’ve heard before I am sure. However, putting the screens away has nothing to do with the blue light that affects the brain and makes it harder to fall asleep. I am a working mom- I am exhausted by bedtime. What I find is that I end up endlessly scrolling Instagram or Facebook, which ultimately triggers my anxiety or depression and makes it harder to fall asleep.
Social media is tricky. There is a lot of good that comes from it, but there is a lot about it that can be harmful too. I am one that always finds myself comparing my life to others, and I tend to be hard on myself about it. I know that people usually only show the good sides of social media and we never know what someone is going through yada, yada, yada. That still doesn’t help when you see friends or acquaintances on a lavish vacation or throwing a grand party.
It is hard not to compare ourselves to others. It is hard not to feel like we are doing enough for our kids. But let’s be real. We don’t need to spend thousands of dollars on our kids’ birthday parties for them to feel loved. We don’t need to go on expensive vacations for them to be loved. We don’t need to buy them all the best things for them to be loved.
Put the phone away. Or the iPad or computer. Whatever you are used to scrolling through at night, just put it away. I have always been one to read at night and I still do, but I also make sure to put my phone on the charger, away from my bed, at least an hour before bed. That way, I am not worried about what everyone else is doing and have more time to focus on myself and what I enjoy.
xo, Emily